The Minor (But Major!) Lesson of the Depp v. Heard Trial

The world has a lot going on right now (to say the least). Conflict seems to be pervade our senses at every turn: the Russia-Ukraine war, devastating our hearts at the unjust plight of the ever-persevering Ukrainian people; the tireless conflict between the Democrats and Republicans over abortion rights (how naive to have thought the struggle would be greatly diminished after January 22, 1973); the fraught and exhaustive battle of common sense gun laws as firearm related deaths are now the #1 leading cause of children. The list could continue but I shall refrain for the sake of respecting your time AND sanity. But there was another unexpected–and at times entertaining–conflict that gripped America’s attention for 6 weeks: the Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard Trial.

Perhaps it was the aforementioned serious issues that plunged America into the obsession with this celebrity, bed-defecating, bottle throwing, finger-tip amputating, no-tears-crying, exasperated Judge, trial. It seemed so trivial, given the more pressing issues in the world, to be giving our hours (okay, fine..MY hours) to this celebrity hot mess but we just couldn’t stop watching. Behold! It was ironically a madness that granted us a reprieve from the madness! We got to peek into the insane lives and toxic relationship of two celebrities and like Chick-fil-a, people just couldn't get enough of it. There were comments on Youtube videos of the trial proclaiming: “I will be so sad when this is over!” (ahh, our love for entertainment no matter the cost–even the shambles of people’s lives).

One could chalk it up to nothing more than “a waste of time to focus on the self-centered lives of spoiled, out of touch celebrities”. But I am always intrigued by human nature and why we do the things we do. WHY did this command our attention–what is it about our human nature– and WHAT is there to learn from it?

Besides the salacious and morbid details that humans always seem to thirst for (helllooooo there, reality shows and true life crime series) and our obsession with celebrity, there was a far greater discourse to be had about domestic violence and the #Metoo movement–big alert! Men can be victims too!--, narcissism and other personality disorders, and the quest for truth–despite its consequences and no matter the price. It created a national dialogue about all of these things. While these are incredibly important broad issues that our culture is becoming more conscious and evolved about, I think there is an overall minor (but major!) point that is being missed and a grand takeaway that is applicable to our everyday, real life, this-isn’t-fantasy-land, lives. And ultimately the reason why we were so obsessed with this trial.

Toxic relationships.

We have all seen them in some form and maybe even been in one.

This trial put a toxic relationship at the center of the feasting table like it was an extravagant Martha Stewart centerpiece.

toxic (tox·​ic | \ ˈtäk-sik \) adjective

Definition of toxic 1: containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation 2: exhibiting symptoms of infection or toxicosis 3: extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful 4: relating to or being an asset that has lost so much value that it cannot be sold on the market Just reading that Merriam-Webster definition is enough to understand that having THAT in your relationship is not good. The word toxic derives from the Greek “toxikón,” meaning “bow poison.” Whoa. So I guess we could say a toxic relationship is basically shooting the other person with poison? Yikes. And we all know what poison does.

Relationships should bring life. Not death.

They should bring life with our words. Our actions, Our help. Our support.

Why do we settle for anything less? (That is a whole other article).

Listening to the Depp v. Heard trial, I was appalled by how they spoke to each other on those recordings. Not often do we get to be a fly on the wall in people’s personal relationships (which is why I think people were so obsessed with this trial). We got a sneak peak into what happens behind closed doors. It was disturbing to hear the effortless insults, biting sarcasm, and complete tearing down of a person…coming from the person that is supposed to love them the most. A personal relationship leads to divulging the worst parts of ourselves; it is sacred ground and I daresay, sacrilege to use the deepest things about your partner as a weapon to hurt them. It was hurtful and sad to hear. Even more sad to think people resonated with those recordings because they are living it.

Now, I am not a therapist–God bless those that are–so I shall not go into all the signs of a toxic relationship (google is our dear friend...please google the signs). But we can make all those hours of watching the trial count by reflecting on our relationship/s and begin to see if they are healthy for us or not. And what part, if any, are we contributing to anything unhealthy or toxic in the relationship? And then it is time to do the hard, but so incredibly valuable, work of changing.

I think there are deeper lessons to reflect upon in pop culture and this trial was a big one. This is a pivotal time in history for determinedly pursuing and gaining wholeness as individuals. We are being called to that. Healthy INDIVIDUALS lead to healthy FAMILIES…which leads to healthy COMMUNITIES and ultimately a healthy WORLD!

CHANGE IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE. Time to set boundaries and insist and pursue nothing but the most healthy relationship/s we can have...with ourselves and with others.

And if this trial was about finding the truth…then I think that is a truth worth fighting for.